Been trying to write this for some time now, a bit of confession and rant. Depressed and tired as always, please ignore it. Just wanted to take it out of my chest. Writing here helps to think.
I am a very envious person. Never asked for anything in life, don't have any dreams for the future, just wanted to be able to draw. Toke me a long time to figure that I don't have the knack (or the discipline) for it. Just have some skill that I learned from all those years, but that don't seem to be enough. I have been stuck for a long time now. Just feel envious of all the people who can do it. It is a very stupid thing to feel. People that are around this site for a long time, newer people, all of them seem to improve. I can only envy that at the current stage of my life.
Quitting this art stuff would be simpler, and I wish I could do that now. Why do I even come regularly to this site? Does a person really need all that masturbatory material and visual references for RPG campaigns that never will happen? It's not like I would be missed or something. I have been cutting my time expended on social medias, but always come back here. Habit, I think.
Why can't I quit? Quitting and forgeting stuff is
one the few things that I do well. I will never be near as good as the people that inspired me in the first place, not even "acceptable". At the same time I can't quit, at least not for a long time. Fuck, I don't know. Maybe I have been messing with this stuff for too much time to stop now.